Post by capteurotrash on Jul 31, 2010 18:35:51 GMT -5
Rant: Why I hate vampire lore and much prefer a zombie story
Vampires and vampirism, and those who find this ridiculous construct fascinating, are of no interest to me. Usual followers are found among the goths, who pretend to drink blood in their ornate goblets and therefore believe they are cool. Sometimes they cut themselves in strange, self-destructive rites. It is simply ridiculous and repulsive, as I will explain further.
As a dyed-in-the-wool [trench coat] rivethead and true PA fan, my loyalties lie with the zombies, also called the undead, the resurrected, the walking dead, ghouls, or golems.
Who ever heard a bat change into a vampire, then from a vampire into a bat again? Poof! Poof! That is asinine. The body mass index from one form to another is simply staggering, unless we are talking about a grotesquely huge bat or a teeny, weenie vampire. I say: take a bat to the bat and slug it out the window!
Vampires are sneaky. They hide in coffins and drop down from ceilings. They descend down on you while you sleep, those cowards! The only reason they speak in such cultured tones, is because they have lived forever, so it is only natural to assume they have read some books in their dank and moldy coffins.
Zombies are straightforward. They don’t trick you and even tell you honestly want they want, “brains!”. Their attacks are direct and chivalrous. In fact, even a single zombie gives you a sporting chance by creating a lot of noise, making a racket stumbling into things, constantly moaning about their hunger and moving rather slowly. Of course, this becomes a problem if a huge crowd of them has sighted you and is advancing on you.
I must add, that goths in their frilly costumes and effete ways are kin to vampires. Swaying, rather than stomping to their romanticized music. Lyrics evoking cries in the moonlit night. Silly movies suggesting romance with a vampire as a good idea. Dusty books and weird incantations. Flickering candles in the breeze from a freshly opened mausoleum. Pompadours from King Louis XIV … you get the picture.
On the other hand, rivetheads and all real PA survivalists dress in military surplus or functional clothing, in other words dress for success, keep their hair close cropped and do not mess about pining after unrealistic romantic images of vampires as role models. We know who the enemy is. It is us against them, us vs. the zombie army, us vs. the raiders, who would rather steal from us than obtain equipment through their own labor or by bartering.
I would rather hear a bone break than see fangs sink into a neck. Blood to goths and vampires appears as an end all to their quest. For us, blood is a consequence of action and hopefully not as a self-sustained injury!
The only halfway decent vampire movie I ever saw was “Near Dark” with a score by Tangerine Dream and that was mostly because of the action sequences, quite unlike most vampire flicks.
Let us get a charter flight for all vampires to the French Riviera, with all cabin windows covered by aluminum foil. Then they may enjoy their vacation on the beach, with umbrella drinks served by goths, while staked out in the sunlight. Poof! Poof!
So I say, let us boycott vampire flicks and goth music and please write your thoughts here whether you agree with me … I can take it.
Captain Eurotrash
Vampires and vampirism, and those who find this ridiculous construct fascinating, are of no interest to me. Usual followers are found among the goths, who pretend to drink blood in their ornate goblets and therefore believe they are cool. Sometimes they cut themselves in strange, self-destructive rites. It is simply ridiculous and repulsive, as I will explain further.
As a dyed-in-the-wool [trench coat] rivethead and true PA fan, my loyalties lie with the zombies, also called the undead, the resurrected, the walking dead, ghouls, or golems.
Who ever heard a bat change into a vampire, then from a vampire into a bat again? Poof! Poof! That is asinine. The body mass index from one form to another is simply staggering, unless we are talking about a grotesquely huge bat or a teeny, weenie vampire. I say: take a bat to the bat and slug it out the window!
Vampires are sneaky. They hide in coffins and drop down from ceilings. They descend down on you while you sleep, those cowards! The only reason they speak in such cultured tones, is because they have lived forever, so it is only natural to assume they have read some books in their dank and moldy coffins.
Zombies are straightforward. They don’t trick you and even tell you honestly want they want, “brains!”. Their attacks are direct and chivalrous. In fact, even a single zombie gives you a sporting chance by creating a lot of noise, making a racket stumbling into things, constantly moaning about their hunger and moving rather slowly. Of course, this becomes a problem if a huge crowd of them has sighted you and is advancing on you.
I must add, that goths in their frilly costumes and effete ways are kin to vampires. Swaying, rather than stomping to their romanticized music. Lyrics evoking cries in the moonlit night. Silly movies suggesting romance with a vampire as a good idea. Dusty books and weird incantations. Flickering candles in the breeze from a freshly opened mausoleum. Pompadours from King Louis XIV … you get the picture.
On the other hand, rivetheads and all real PA survivalists dress in military surplus or functional clothing, in other words dress for success, keep their hair close cropped and do not mess about pining after unrealistic romantic images of vampires as role models. We know who the enemy is. It is us against them, us vs. the zombie army, us vs. the raiders, who would rather steal from us than obtain equipment through their own labor or by bartering.
I would rather hear a bone break than see fangs sink into a neck. Blood to goths and vampires appears as an end all to their quest. For us, blood is a consequence of action and hopefully not as a self-sustained injury!
The only halfway decent vampire movie I ever saw was “Near Dark” with a score by Tangerine Dream and that was mostly because of the action sequences, quite unlike most vampire flicks.
Let us get a charter flight for all vampires to the French Riviera, with all cabin windows covered by aluminum foil. Then they may enjoy their vacation on the beach, with umbrella drinks served by goths, while staked out in the sunlight. Poof! Poof!
So I say, let us boycott vampire flicks and goth music and please write your thoughts here whether you agree with me … I can take it.
Captain Eurotrash